Insecurity and self-doubt have been near-constant companions in my life for as long as I can remember. As a kid I worried that I was “annoying”, and spent so much time and energy curating my words and behaviors in hopes of not making anyone around me uncomfortable.
By the time I became an interpreter, I was a master chameleon. In some ways this served me well in that career – being able to take on and portray the world view, affect, and opinions of others. But internally, it left me feeling hollow and empty, or worse, at times anxious and insecure.
I spent so much time trying to conform to what I thought others wanted, that I hadn’t done the real work of developing myself. Feedback was painful and difficult to receive, because in my mind it meant someone was unhappy with me.
Part of the work of healing has been to identify my core values – why I care about the work I do, and the qualities I want to embody through it – and then to seek feedback from respected sources to help me translate those values into actions and skills.
When you have a supportive mentor in your corner, insecurities and areas of self-doubt can become welcome signals and signposts, showing you where to focus your self-development and skill-building work.
If you’re engaged in skill-building and self-development, don’t miss Shanna Grossinger of ASLMentors.com as she livestreams in The Burnout Proof Collective this Thursday! June 24th at 3:30 pm pacific – she’ll share meaningful tips for getting the most out of mentorship.
Let’s start with a really tangible definition for the often nebulous concept of ‘boundaries’:
A boundary is a property line, as defined by Dr. Henry Cloud.
Photo by Rodrigo Kugnharski
The boundary tells you who controls the property, who has freedom and choices over the property, and who is responsible for the property.
Now let’s take that definition into the realm of our everyday lives, and pair it with a concept that can help us decipher our property lines.
Types of property
The property that boundaries are helpful for include:
Emotional – your feelings
Material – your things
Mental – your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs
Physical – your body
Time and Energy – your time and energy
Who owns the property?
According to Byron Katie, there are three kinds of ‘business’ in the universe. I like to think of this as ‘Who owns the property?’
Mine
Yours
The Rest (aka: God/Goddess/Universe/life/reality’s – pick the descriptor you resonate with)
I like to think of these three kinds of ‘business’ as three separate yards – like three pieces of property.
Mine – My yard contains those pieces of property that I control and am responsible for: what I do, what I say, how I feel*, how I spend my time and energy, my possessions and what I believe.
*Feelings get a little star, because they are by-products of our thoughts, beliefs, and circumstances – not as easily in our control, but nevertheless, still our property. You can read more about getting to know your garden here.
Yours – Your business is what you control and are responsible for. All those same bits of property: emotional, material, mental, physical, time and energy.
Life’s/God’s/reality – This is made up of all the things that are outside of my control and your control. Examples include: the past and the future, as well as elements of the weather, accidents, traffic, etc.
Photo by Brandon Nelson
Your map
With my yard, your yard, and Life’s yard, we’ve basically drawn ourselves a map of our existential ‘neighborhood’. Maps are cool on their own, don’t get me wrong, but the magic comes when we use them to navigate.
Some scenarios where this map comes in handy:
When you’re feeling stressed.
When you’re afraid someone will be upset with you.
When you feel compelled to say ‘yes’ even though you want to say ‘no’.
When you’re caught in the mental loop of ‘what if’s – worrying about the future.
When you’re upset or angry with someone else.
In any of these not-so-hypothetical cases, you can pull out your map and ask yourself: “Where am I?”
Photo by Daniel Gonzalez
Find yourself on the map: “Where am I?”
Let’s use an example from above, and ask this question: “Where am I?”
When I’m afraid you will be upset with me, the property I’m focused on is your feelings – specifically your feelings of being upset with me.
Whose yard do other people’s feelings reside in? Their yard. Their feelings are their responsibility. When I’m trying to take responsibility for them, I’ve left my own yard – walked right off my own property and onto theirs – which leaves no one home to care for me.
Walk yourself home
When you’ve found yourself trying to manage someone else’s property, walk yourself back home by asking:
“What’s my business?”
Identify what is in your control, or what is your responsibility, and take action.
That could look like:
Donating money, time, or resources to a cause you care about.
At first glance, boundaries can seem like a way to stop caring about anyone but yourself.
Let’s just sit with that. If you’re anything like me, that idea brings up a lot of fear about being selfish, putting my needs ahead of others, etc. When I pause, put my hand on my heart, and just feel those feelings of fear and guilt and breathe through them without feeding them more thoughts, they’re usually a lot quieter in 90 seconds or less.
The most compassionate people are absolutely the most boundaried.
Let that sink in.
The more I leave you to your work/business/journey/lessons, and the more I take responsibility for my own work/business/journey/lessons – the more compassion I’m able to have for you and what you’re going through!
Healthy boundaries are the foundation of empathy, authenticity, and accountability – and they’re an integral part of self-care.
I hope you’ll join us November 21st, 2020 for Healthy Boundaries for Interpreters. We’ll explore what healthy boundaries are, what makes them hard to hold, how to tune into your guidance system, and how to communicate your boundaries in a kind and honest way. I can’t wait to spend this time with you!
Healthy Boundaries for Interpreters – 0.2 GS CEUs – Our Saturday School LIVE workshop is happening on November 21st, 2020 from 10 am to noon pacific. Join us to discuss this tricky topic and develop tools to make holding clear, kind, healthy boundaries much easier. Saturday School LIVE workshops are a great opportunity to get to know other interpreters who are struggling with burnout and working on taking better care of themselves!
Put On Your Raincoat: Energetic Protection for Sign Language Interpreters – 0.5 GS CEUs – Interpreting work is sticky – especially in 2020! In this workshop you’ll create a raincoat to protect yourself from the energetic effects of interpreting work, with practices of self-reflection, self-compassion, and mindfulness.
This is part 3 in a series on Self-Care Strategies for Fear. You can find part 1 here, and part 2 here.
Self-Care Strategies for Fear part 3
Distractions are plentiful in this hurried life. Even when there’s not something important to be doing, our mind grasps at things to occupy it. This is normal. It takes intention, it takes presence, it takes mindful awareness to notice the departure from here + now, and to guide ourselves lovingly back home, to ourselves.
Cultivating a practice of spending time in this garden of your mind + body + spirit is a gift that will keep giving to every iteration of future-you. Every moment you spend with yourself, and every time you’re willing to notice those departures and walk yourself back home, your relationship with yourself deepens and grows and becomes more fulfilling.
Spending time in your garden can look like so many things. The possibilities are infinite. For as many unique minds and bodies and spirits as there are on this planet (and elsewhere?), there are that many different varieties of gardens. So what will yours look like?
me in my garden with my trampoline, oils, and journal
Maybe yours has your journal, trampoline, and essential oils.
… your crystals, yoga mat, and a Redwood.
… your bible, running shoes, and hot tub.
… your puppy dog, pillow, and ukulele.
YOU GET TO DECIDE!
Whatever your garden includes, it is yours, you can change it anytime you want, and you get to feel comfortable, safe, joyful, and whatever-other-emotions-you-need-to-feel in it!
Finding/creating/making/honoring time for yourself to spend in your garden can be tricky. I find that designating a consistent time has helped it to become a habit that I look forward to and count on. For me, morning time is my garden time – before most of my family wakes up. This practice has also made it much easier to jump out of bed in the morning, because I’m so excited for my special time with ME.
If you want some support, connection, and accountability to help you create a garden-time habit, I made you a Burnout Proof Academy course called Make Time for You!
Some of my favorite resources for spending time in my garden:
Spend 5 intentional minutes in your garden, enjoying your body, mind, + spirit.
Image by Thought Catalog
Let us know in the comments:
What are your favorite ways to spend time in your garden? What helps you to prioritize your garden time?
We’re sharing our favorite garden-time activities in The Burnout Proof Interpreter Collective private Facebook group. Come share yours with us too!
Sneak Peek: Be With Your Feelings – part 4
When we allow time to just be with ourselves, it can open the door to unprocessed emotions showing up uninvited or announced. The fear or avoidance of these visitors can keep us from spending time in our gardens.
Next week in part 4 we’ll explore what to do with these feelings that may arise. Spoiler alert: this might become your favorite part of the whole process!
Until next week, dear one, take good care of your precious self….and enjoy it!
How’s your self-care holding up? If you’re like most of us, it’s probably been pretty rough this year – but it’s not too late to get some support and turn it around!
Self-Care for Stressful Times – Our Saturday School LIVE workshop this month, worth 0.2 GS CEUs, is happening live October 24th 10:00 am – 12:00 pm pacific and will be available as a self-paced online course after that. We’ll use the Learning Zone Model to help you understand how your brain responds to stress, how to create rest and comfort during stress, and how to grow through stressful times.
Burnout Proof Bootcamp – Fall session kicks off October 7th with a LIVE support session. Earn 1.5 GS CEUs in this 6-week self-paced online course that takes you deep into the causes of burnout and the resilience of self-care habits .
Burnout Proof 101 – A one-hour intro to the Burnout Proof principles. This workshop was recorded September 30th, 2020, and is now available as a self-paced online course worth 0.1 GS CEUs.
What do you think about that? Do you actually believe it? As a hard-core people pleaser, I thought it was total BS. I’ve had a difficult history with this tiny two-letter sentence. Every time I wanted to use it, I’d feel such a rush of guilt, pressure, and fear that I’d say ‘yes’ instead, just to avoid those feelings.
I’d think:
‘What if I upset the person I’m saying ‘no’ to?’ ‘What if they don’t like me anymore? What if they think I’m inconsiderate, lazy, mean. Or what if they think that I don’t like them?!” ‘Is there any way that I could do this thing they’re asking me to do?’
I’d do anything to avoid saying ‘no,’ at the expense of my health, peace of mind, and even my relationship with the other person. Yes – even my relationships were at stake. Because, like any good people-pleaser, I was an expert at resentment. I would say ‘yes,’ to avoid saying ‘no,’ and then I would be so upset with myself that it would bleed into our relationship – I’d be upset with them by proxy.
As I became aware of the effects my unwillingness to say ‘no’ was having, there’s something that helped this lesson to sink in.
When you say “no” to one thing, you’re saying “yes” to something else. When you say “yes” to one thing, you’re saying “no” to something else.
Ahh…now things started to get interesting! There are two sides to this coin – a relationship between what I choose to give my time and energy to and what I don’t.
I began to see that I was always saying ‘no’ to something! Just, sometimes I wasn’t aware of it. And you know what I think about awareness…it’s the first magic-key to everything we want.
Photo by Michèle Eckert on Unsplash
Start with ‘Yes’
Saying ‘no’ is a bazillion times easier when you’re clear on what you’re saying ‘yes’ to instead. Know your top priorities. Identify your values or guiding principles.
If you’ve already identified that one of your core values is ‘family’, and you get a job request at the same time that your child has a special dance performance, it’s easier to know which to say ‘yes’ to (the dance performance!).
If your focus for the month is on improving your organizational systems for your business, and you come across a parenting conference that sparks your interest, you can check with your current priorities to know that the parenting conference can wait until next year. You’re saying ‘yes’ to sticking with your organizational focus.
Ask for Time
Jiu jitsu is one of my favorite sports. One of the reasons is because being good at it doesn’t rely on strength or size. Practitioners who excel are masters at using natural forces of gravity and leverage to assist their bodies in subduing their opponents.
Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash
Here’s a jiu jitsu move for learning to love ‘no’: Ask for time to consider the request.
Practice these phrases:
“Let me think about it.”
“Let me check in with my priorities/needs/calendar.”
“I’ll get back to you.”
And don’t forget your love or kind regard for the person to whom you’re speaking! Put these phrases together with your genuine feelings, and you become a master at communicating your boundaries in a way that actually strengthens relationships.
“Thanks so much for the invitation! Let me check in with my priorities for that week and I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Does that sound ok?”
We are all in this together, dear one, and we need your deepest inner knowing and wisdom engaged as we work to create this equitable new world. Take it one tiny baby-step at a time, and remember I’m here to support you!
Sending so much love today and every day.
xo,
Brea
Where do you hold tension and stress in your body, and what do you do to relieve it?
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash
Whether you’re in wildfire land, hurricane territory, or somewhere in between, you’re likely feeling tension and stress in your body.
Tension is energy trapped in the body.
Potential movement that, on its way somewhere else, got stuck. Tension signifies the places in our bodies where we’re resisting reality internally, but not yet moving to act in a helpful, empowering way externally.
Internal resistance opposing external stagnancy can create a fixed mindset, sense of disempowerment, and bodily discomfort. It often feels like we’re gripping something tightly.
Stress-Relief for Interpreters: Move the Body, Free the Energy
Movement can be a powerful tool for healing, when we’re suffering from tension and stress.
This can look like: shaking – parts or all of your body – gently or vigorously, bouncing, dancing, stretching, massaging, scraping, pleasuring, flexing, and so much more.
In order to tend to our tension, we must first know it’s there. Developing mindful awareness in your daily life can help you to become more responsive to your body’s cues so that these spots don’t stay stagnant for so long.
Breathing is an accessible and easy way to bring gentle movement into areas of tension. Here’s one quick and powerful way to do it, even while interpreting.
Check out the video at the end of this post where I walk you through the process.
Triage Care: The 4×4 One-Breath Body Scan
This practice is a combination of two techniques. Let’s look at each separately first.
Part 1: Square, Box, or 4×4 Breathing
This breathing technique has many names, because it’s just that good. And it’s super-simple.
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold that breath for a count of 4.
Exhale through your nose or mouth for a count of 4.
Hold empty for a count of 4.
That’s it.
Practice this a few times, syncing your breathing pattern with the visual, and you’ve got it. As a side note, notice how your body feels after a few cycles of this breath.
Part 2: Body Scan
Typically the body scan is taught as a longer relaxation experience – andit’s fantastic as that. When my kids were little, they would ask me to guide them through this as they prepared for sleep. A good body scan can take 10 minutes+ to go through, and can leave you feeling as soft as warm putty when you’re done. It goes like this:
Get centered and grounded. Feel your connection to the surface beneath you. Feel it holding and supporting you.
Bring your awareness to the top of your head, feel your scalp, forehead, face, jaw, ears, and back of head. Notice any area of tension and let it relax. Don’t force, just allow.
Slowly move your awareness down your body to each part, one after the other – noticing any tension and allowing it to release – until you get to your toes.
This practice can take as long as you want it to. It’s especially good during a long break or just before bed. But sometimes we need more frequent and short ways to care for ourselves.
Here’s where the triage care magic is: put them together.
While inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, let your awareness scan your body for areas of tension. As you practice this, the breathing + scanning becomes more automatic – it might feel clunky at first. That’s ok. Over time you’ll get to know the areas where you hold your tension, so you can hone in on them more quickly and easily. When you find those areas of tension, start directing your breath right into them, like a funnel. Find the center of the tension and imagine that you’re filling it like a balloon with healing, supportive oxygen.
Hold that breath, letting the oxygen do its work in each area of tension, for a count of 4.
As you exhale through your nose or mouth for a count of 4, allow each balloon to deflate, carrying with it the tension that was stored in that muscle.
Hold empty for a count of 4, focusing on the relaxation of each spot.
If you take 4 seconds with each part of the breath, this has taken you 16 seconds. Can you take 16 seconds to care for yourself a few times today?
Burnout Proof Academy Saturday School Workshops are coming!
Join us live for the two-hour workshop on October 24th, 2020 from 10:00 am – noon pacific, or watch the recording and connect with others in our online portal anytime after, for 0.2 GS CEUs.
We’ll use the Learning Zone Model to illustrate how our brains respond to stress, talk about how to create practices of rest and comfort during stress, and how to grow even during stressful times.
The Secret to Triage Care
Triage care isn’t helpful if you don’t practice it. This is where your habit-solidifying skill comes in! BJ Fogg, habit-creation researcher and founder of Tiny Habits, teaches a simple three-part approach to making healthy habits more automatic:
Make your new habit tiny – 30 seconds or less. Our 16 second one-breath body scan fits the bill!
Anchor it to an existing habit – brainstorm some current habits or things you do daily automatically. For example: turning off the morning alarm, hitting ‘start’ on the coffee maker or teapot, using the restroom, washing your hands, turning on the computer, listening to the phone ring on a VRS call, waiting for a consumer, sitting on hold, brushing your teeth, or pulling up the covers at night. There are a million more. Pick one and use it as a trigger to remind you to do your one-breath body scan. For example: When I push the button to turn on my computer, I do my one-breath body scan.
Celebrate – just like clicker-training a puppy, every time you complete your tiny habit – celebrate! This gives you a cascade of feel-good hormones that rewards your brain and brings you joy, making it more likely that you’ll remember and be willing to practice your habit again.
Here’s three resources for practicing triage care and solidifying your new habit:
In what areas of your body do you hold tension, and what helps you to soothe it?
The equitable world we are creating begins with treating ourselves well. Thanks so much for being here with me, on this journey to taking better care of your precious self.
As ASL interpreters, we know our videos must be captioned and accessible to Deaf and hard of hearing people – now more than ever. Subtitles are also good for hearing people who are in noisy places and can’t hear the audio, people who are in quiet places and don’t want to disturb those around them, English language learners….
Basically adding subtitles to your videos is good for everyone!!
But how do you make subtitles happen?!
I’ve been learning through trial and error over the last few years, testing out all the no-cost options I could find, and here’s what I’ve learned.
Get ready, this post is loooooong. You might want to bookmark it now to refer back to as you need it, and take breaks as you go through this. You know, self-care!
Today I want to talk about the stories we tell, how they actually serve to get us more stuck where we don’t want to be, and 3 steps you can take to gain traction toward thoughts, feelings, and outcomes you actually want.
Do you ever find yourself telling a story that doesn’t even feel good to tell? Maybe you’re talking to a friend over coffee, a cashier in the checkout line, or your partner during dinner. You feel compelled to describe in vivid detail what was said and done to you, in what ways your totally appropriate desires were thwarted, and all the reasons why you’re right? And when you’re done with the story, you feel all worked up, you feel more sure of your rightness than ever, but at the very same time you feel like crap.
Retelling these stories only serve to spin our tires and get us more deeply stuck in the mud. Not only do they lock us into our position, but they spin muck all over everyone within earshot (or eyeshot) of us. You’re not any closer to a resolution that FEELS good to you, and those you love who have listened to your saga feel like they were just vomited on. This is a lose/lose scenario.
Use your oils. Essential oils are a fantastic tool to help us uncover the underlying message of an emotion and allow it to move through more quickly. Here’s a protocol for setting down the story:
1 drop each
Lemongrass on the back of the neck
A powerful cleanser of emotional energy
Helps to release limiting beliefs
Eucalyptus across the forehead
Helps reveal patterns of thinking that lead to feel un-well
Encourages taking full responsibility for your well-being
Cardamom on top of head
Helps regain self control and mental clarity when frustrated with others
A great oil to use when you’re angry
Helps to stop blaming others
Asks us to take personal ownership and responsibility for our feelings
Leads to feeling more peace, calm and emotional freedom
Lavender on heart (center of breastbone, at the nipple line)
Aids in self-expression
Addresses deep fear of being seen and heard
You may believe it’s not safe to express yourself–this fear of rejection paralyzes your true voice
Frankincense on solar plexus (where ribs meet a few inches above belly button)
Reveals deceptions and false truths
Invites us to let go of lower vibrations and negativity
Helps us break down the walls from the mind and heart
Connects the soul with its inner light and reveals truth
Balance on soles of feet
Like the trees it’s made from, helps you come down from your overactive mind, into your roots
Gives stability and inner strength
Meditate. Put on comfortable clothes, sit in a comfortable spot, close your eyes and breathe–ideally for 15 minutes each day. The goal of meditation is not to be without thought. The practice is to come back to your breath and stillness, without judgement, each time the mind gets distracted. When you give your nervous system this experience on a consistent basis, you may start to notice more peace, more patience, and more happiness seeping into your life. There are great resources to help you start a meditation practice: I love Abraham’s Vortex meditations, which you can find on youtube. School of Self has a great visual breathing meditation. Headspace and Calm are 2 great apps.
Get curious. Now that you’re in this calm, centered place, hold space for yourself to explore. Think of this like holding space for a friend or a child to process and learn, or how a coach would hold space for a client–asking open-ended questions and sitting in empathy. It’s great to journal as you do this, so you can look back on what you’ve learned. Some questions to consider:
What am I feeling?
What am I thinking or doing that’s causing these feelings?
What is my responsibility in this situation?
What is the guidance from my higher self or higher power?
Some resources I love for asking helpful questions are
As you begin to make your relationship with yourself a nurturing, loving and wise one, you are more able to interact with the world around you from a more nurturing, loving and wise place.
Healthy Boundaries for Interpreters
Self-Care for Stressful Times
