How’s your self-care holding up? If you’re like most of us, it’s probably been pretty rough this year – but it’s not too late to get some support and turn it around!
Self-Care for Stressful Times – Our Saturday School LIVE workshop this month, worth 0.2 GS CEUs, is happening live October 24th 10:00 am – 12:00 pm pacific and will be available as a self-paced online course after that. We’ll use the Learning Zone Model to help you understand how your brain responds to stress, how to create rest and comfort during stress, and how to grow through stressful times.
Burnout Proof Bootcamp – Fall session kicks off October 7th with a LIVE support session. Earn 1.5 GS CEUs in this 6-week self-paced online course that takes you deep into the causes of burnout and the resilience of self-care habits .
Burnout Proof 101 – A one-hour intro to the Burnout Proof principles. This workshop was recorded September 30th, 2020, and is now available as a self-paced online course worth 0.1 GS CEUs.
What do you think about that? Do you actually believe it? As a hard-core people pleaser, I thought it was total BS. I’ve had a difficult history with this tiny two-letter sentence. Every time I wanted to use it, I’d feel such a rush of guilt, pressure, and fear that I’d say ‘yes’ instead, just to avoid those feelings.
I’d think:
‘What if I upset the person I’m saying ‘no’ to?’ ‘What if they don’t like me anymore? What if they think I’m inconsiderate, lazy, mean. Or what if they think that I don’t like them?!” ‘Is there any way that I could do this thing they’re asking me to do?’
I’d do anything to avoid saying ‘no,’ at the expense of my health, peace of mind, and even my relationship with the other person. Yes – even my relationships were at stake. Because, like any good people-pleaser, I was an expert at resentment. I would say ‘yes,’ to avoid saying ‘no,’ and then I would be so upset with myself that it would bleed into our relationship – I’d be upset with them by proxy.
As I became aware of the effects my unwillingness to say ‘no’ was having, there’s something that helped this lesson to sink in.
When you say “no” to one thing, you’re saying “yes” to something else. When you say “yes” to one thing, you’re saying “no” to something else.
Ahh…now things started to get interesting! There are two sides to this coin – a relationship between what I choose to give my time and energy to and what I don’t.
I began to see that I was always saying ‘no’ to something! Just, sometimes I wasn’t aware of it. And you know what I think about awareness…it’s the first magic-key to everything we want.
Photo by Michèle Eckert on Unsplash
Start with ‘Yes’
Saying ‘no’ is a bazillion times easier when you’re clear on what you’re saying ‘yes’ to instead. Know your top priorities. Identify your values or guiding principles.
If you’ve already identified that one of your core values is ‘family’, and you get a job request at the same time that your child has a special dance performance, it’s easier to know which to say ‘yes’ to (the dance performance!).
If your focus for the month is on improving your organizational systems for your business, and you come across a parenting conference that sparks your interest, you can check with your current priorities to know that the parenting conference can wait until next year. You’re saying ‘yes’ to sticking with your organizational focus.
Ask for Time
Jiu jitsu is one of my favorite sports. One of the reasons is because being good at it doesn’t rely on strength or size. Practitioners who excel are masters at using natural forces of gravity and leverage to assist their bodies in subduing their opponents.
Photo by Icons8 Team on Unsplash
Here’s a jiu jitsu move for learning to love ‘no’: Ask for time to consider the request.
Practice these phrases:
“Let me think about it.”
“Let me check in with my priorities/needs/calendar.”
“I’ll get back to you.”
And don’t forget your love or kind regard for the person to whom you’re speaking! Put these phrases together with your genuine feelings, and you become a master at communicating your boundaries in a way that actually strengthens relationships.
“Thanks so much for the invitation! Let me check in with my priorities for that week and I’ll get back to you tomorrow. Does that sound ok?”
We are all in this together, dear one, and we need your deepest inner knowing and wisdom engaged as we work to create this equitable new world. Take it one tiny baby-step at a time, and remember I’m here to support you!
Sending so much love today and every day.
xo,
Brea
Where do you hold tension and stress in your body, and what do you do to relieve it?
Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash
Whether you’re in wildfire land, hurricane territory, or somewhere in between, you’re likely feeling tension and stress in your body.
Tension is energy trapped in the body.
Potential movement that, on its way somewhere else, got stuck. Tension signifies the places in our bodies where we’re resisting reality internally, but not yet moving to act in a helpful, empowering way externally.
Internal resistance opposing external stagnancy can create a fixed mindset, sense of disempowerment, and bodily discomfort. It often feels like we’re gripping something tightly.
Stress-Relief for Interpreters: Move the Body, Free the Energy
Movement can be a powerful tool for healing, when we’re suffering from tension and stress.
This can look like: shaking – parts or all of your body – gently or vigorously, bouncing, dancing, stretching, massaging, scraping, pleasuring, flexing, and so much more.
In order to tend to our tension, we must first know it’s there. Developing mindful awareness in your daily life can help you to become more responsive to your body’s cues so that these spots don’t stay stagnant for so long.
Breathing is an accessible and easy way to bring gentle movement into areas of tension. Here’s one quick and powerful way to do it, even while interpreting.
Check out the video at the end of this post where I walk you through the process.
Triage Care: The 4×4 One-Breath Body Scan
This practice is a combination of two techniques. Let’s look at each separately first.
Part 1: Square, Box, or 4×4 Breathing
This breathing technique has many names, because it’s just that good. And it’s super-simple.
Inhale through your nose for a count of 4.
Hold that breath for a count of 4.
Exhale through your nose or mouth for a count of 4.
Hold empty for a count of 4.
That’s it.
Practice this a few times, syncing your breathing pattern with the visual, and you’ve got it. As a side note, notice how your body feels after a few cycles of this breath.
Part 2: Body Scan
Typically the body scan is taught as a longer relaxation experience – andit’s fantastic as that. When my kids were little, they would ask me to guide them through this as they prepared for sleep. A good body scan can take 10 minutes+ to go through, and can leave you feeling as soft as warm putty when you’re done. It goes like this:
Get centered and grounded. Feel your connection to the surface beneath you. Feel it holding and supporting you.
Bring your awareness to the top of your head, feel your scalp, forehead, face, jaw, ears, and back of head. Notice any area of tension and let it relax. Don’t force, just allow.
Slowly move your awareness down your body to each part, one after the other – noticing any tension and allowing it to release – until you get to your toes.
This practice can take as long as you want it to. It’s especially good during a long break or just before bed. But sometimes we need more frequent and short ways to care for ourselves.
Here’s where the triage care magic is: put them together.
While inhaling through your nose for a count of 4, let your awareness scan your body for areas of tension. As you practice this, the breathing + scanning becomes more automatic – it might feel clunky at first. That’s ok. Over time you’ll get to know the areas where you hold your tension, so you can hone in on them more quickly and easily. When you find those areas of tension, start directing your breath right into them, like a funnel. Find the center of the tension and imagine that you’re filling it like a balloon with healing, supportive oxygen.
Hold that breath, letting the oxygen do its work in each area of tension, for a count of 4.
As you exhale through your nose or mouth for a count of 4, allow each balloon to deflate, carrying with it the tension that was stored in that muscle.
Hold empty for a count of 4, focusing on the relaxation of each spot.
If you take 4 seconds with each part of the breath, this has taken you 16 seconds. Can you take 16 seconds to care for yourself a few times today?
Burnout Proof Academy Saturday School Workshops are coming!
Join us live for the two-hour workshop on October 24th, 2020 from 10:00 am – noon pacific, or watch the recording and connect with others in our online portal anytime after, for 0.2 GS CEUs.
We’ll use the Learning Zone Model to illustrate how our brains respond to stress, talk about how to create practices of rest and comfort during stress, and how to grow even during stressful times.
The Secret to Triage Care
Triage care isn’t helpful if you don’t practice it. This is where your habit-solidifying skill comes in! BJ Fogg, habit-creation researcher and founder of Tiny Habits, teaches a simple three-part approach to making healthy habits more automatic:
Make your new habit tiny – 30 seconds or less. Our 16 second one-breath body scan fits the bill!
Anchor it to an existing habit – brainstorm some current habits or things you do daily automatically. For example: turning off the morning alarm, hitting ‘start’ on the coffee maker or teapot, using the restroom, washing your hands, turning on the computer, listening to the phone ring on a VRS call, waiting for a consumer, sitting on hold, brushing your teeth, or pulling up the covers at night. There are a million more. Pick one and use it as a trigger to remind you to do your one-breath body scan. For example: When I push the button to turn on my computer, I do my one-breath body scan.
Celebrate – just like clicker-training a puppy, every time you complete your tiny habit – celebrate! This gives you a cascade of feel-good hormones that rewards your brain and brings you joy, making it more likely that you’ll remember and be willing to practice your habit again.
Here’s three resources for practicing triage care and solidifying your new habit:
In what areas of your body do you hold tension, and what helps you to soothe it?
The equitable world we are creating begins with treating ourselves well. Thanks so much for being here with me, on this journey to taking better care of your precious self.
Interpreting during a pandemic, especially a VRS shift, is like entering a war zone. People are stressed, frustrated, in pain and completely freaked out – with good reason.
Don’t treat your shift or yourself like this is a regular day. It’s not.
This is a triage situation.
As interpreters, we can’t expect ourselves to be 24/7 enjoying our #quarantinelife, productive, #blessed, #handlingit, checking things off our bucket lists and doing our work like it’s business as usual.
This is not business as usual.
We are on the front lines, witnessing the lives of many people in crisis on a daily basis.
Facilitating communication between people who are calm and connected is hard. Facilitating communication between people who are triggered, afraid, sick and overwhelmed is exponentially harder. It can be helpful to name why this is so hard. Let me offer a suggestion:
It is hard because you care.
Connect to the humanity of it. Seeing another human in pain (fear, frustration, anguish) causes us discomfort. It hurts because we care.
This hurt is compounded by the fact that we’re each personally going through hard things, so witnessing the pain of others lights up and intensifies our own personal pain.
Stress affects brain integration.
Brain Dis-integration
When we’re calm, our brain is in a state of integration where all its parts work together to balance and support the other parts. We’re able to problem solve, understand different perspectives, organize our thoughts, and carry out our plans.
When our pain is lit up – when we’re stressed, overwhelmed, outraged, anxious – our brain’s connections dis-integrate, and we lose our ability to do all of those things.
Identify ‘check points’ that remind you to scan your body for tension and breathe deeply into it, allowing it to release and relax. Even 5 second check points throughout the day can do wonders. During a VRS shift some check points could be:
During your setup process, just before you log in to take calls
While ringing or waiting for a caller to answer
While on hold
Between calls
When you log out for a break
When you return from a break
At the end of your shift
Make self-care a habit.
During this crisis, as interpreters we must have time and practices built into our lives to care for ourselves – to be able to handle the stress we’re exposed to and experiencing. This includes time to cry and grieve and scream and break down. Time to laugh and connect and time to just let ourselves be.
Daily reflective practice allows our nervous systems a chance to decompress and rest, and builds stronger connections toward integration.
You wouldn’t ask your car to keep running without giving it gas. Don’t ask your heart, mind, or body to show up to work without having what it needs.
A daily self-care practice creates stronger connections for brain integration.
As you flex this muscle of integration, over time you will find it easier to stay calm through the hard stuff. When those around you are in disintegration, or when things are tough for you personally, your brain will naturally maintain integration in more and more difficult situations for longer periods of time.
The goal is not to become immune to disintegration, it’s to notice it.
We are human. The ability of our brain to prioritize safety when necessary is a very good thing. The goal then becomes a growing level of consciousness, where we’re able to shorten the time it takes to return to integration when we’re not actually in danger, and where we’re able to be gentle with ourselves and others throughout this messy process of being human.
In this integrated state, we become a true source of support for those around us, and are able to act with more compassion and empathy – for ourselves and others.
May we make this state of integration, compassion, and empathy the new normal.
According to US News, 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by the second week of February. How’s it going for you? Are you experiencing what you want to experience so far? Do you feel like you’re on track, or like you’re running to catch up?
January in my world has been a mixed bag (ooh, welcome to Life!). Ups and downs and a few loopty-loops later, and here we are in February. Today I’m taking a few minutes to reflect and refresh, savoring this opportunity to begin again.
I’m reminded of the concept of beginner’s mind – in which we are called to meet every moment, every person, every experience, with a knowledge that this is the first and last time we will ever be right here. We can meet this moment as a novice, accepting all that we bring to it, all that has prepared us to meet it, and all that we have yet to learn.
As an example, currently Life is bringing me many parenting lessons. I feel and see the growth that has taken place in me and in my kids over the last year, and at the same time, I’m on the very cutting edge of my own evolution (as are they). I have never been the parent of a 17 year old daughter before…let alone the unique, specific daughter I have today. She has never been this daughter before today. This is our first time! Every day is my very first day parenting this version of my children…learning and adapting to what they need at this stage in their lives. This idea brings me such comfort and willingness to stay curious and keep trying. I’m not expected to know it all or get it perfect!
So on this first day of February, with my to-do list growing by the minute and my kids needing different things than they’ve ever needed before, I’m reminding myself – this is a new month. A fresh opportunity to meet the next 28 days and all they hold with the wonder and curiosity of a child who’s meeting the sand for the first time.
I’d like to share some reminders and questions that are helping me today. Feel free to borrow them for yourself, mix them around, stretch them out, live into them in the way only you can, and let me know how it goes!
Begin again. Choose your own periods by which to measure time – 365 is a long stretch. Why not measure by each month, by the lunar cycle, or for very difficult periods of life: by each new day. What feels right to you for this phase of your life?
Become a scientist. Get curious, always gathering data and making improvements. Life is not all or nothing, it is often tiny successes here and there that make up a larger shift. When the calendar changes over to a new month, it’s a fantastic time to ask:
What worked?
What didn’t work?
Based on this information: What’s the next thing to do?
Be persistent. The trick to achieving what you set out to achieve? Just don’t quit.
__________
Now, dear one, it’s your turn:
What do you do to start a new day or a new month fresh?
What reminders help you inhabit “beginner’s mind”?
2018 held my highest high and lowest low. So much grief and joy in one year. I am a better parent because of it. A better friend, partner, lover and human. I am grateful…so fucking grateful.
I forgive myself for the debt and the extra weight. I accept it with love and feel better prepared to face it and learn from it and thrive through it in 2019.
Curbing my worry has been one of my biggest challenges. Learning to set healthy boundaries and hold empathy, without trying to control others or the outcome is still a work in progress I look forward to developing more this year.
This is a tiny part of the New Year transition reflecting and planning that I do. Over the years I’ve used many resources, my favorite of which was the book Your Best Year Yet! — until I discovered Leonie Dawson this year and decided to try her My Shining Year workbooks.
Friends let me tell you: I am in L O V E!
If you don’t have an annual review and dreaming ritual yet, get yourself these workbooks and dive right in. She makes it fun and so effective.
I would love to hear from you in the comments:
What rituals or practices do you have for closing out one year and embracing the next?
What if a five minute daily morning routine could magically make you more patient with your kids, consumers, and self?
In this video I share some ideas for creating and prioritizing this magical practice.
Why do a morning routine?
Where do I do it?
How long does it take?
What in the heck do I even do?
And a powerful mindset shift to help you make this date with yourself a priority.
You can read an example of a short process for being with yourself through hard emotions, when you find yourself stuck in a story or pattern that you’d like to release–this would make a fantastic morning routine!
Today I want to talk about the stories we tell, how they actually serve to get us more stuck where we don’t want to be, and 3 steps you can take to gain traction toward thoughts, feelings, and outcomes you actually want.
Do you ever find yourself telling a story that doesn’t even feel good to tell? Maybe you’re talking to a friend over coffee, a cashier in the checkout line, or your partner during dinner. You feel compelled to describe in vivid detail what was said and done to you, in what ways your totally appropriate desires were thwarted, and all the reasons why you’re right? And when you’re done with the story, you feel all worked up, you feel more sure of your rightness than ever, but at the very same time you feel like crap.
Retelling these stories only serve to spin our tires and get us more deeply stuck in the mud. Not only do they lock us into our position, but they spin muck all over everyone within earshot (or eyeshot) of us. You’re not any closer to a resolution that FEELS good to you, and those you love who have listened to your saga feel like they were just vomited on. This is a lose/lose scenario.
Use your oils. Essential oils are a fantastic tool to help us uncover the underlying message of an emotion and allow it to move through more quickly. Here’s a protocol for setting down the story:
1 drop each
Lemongrass on the back of the neck
A powerful cleanser of emotional energy
Helps to release limiting beliefs
Eucalyptus across the forehead
Helps reveal patterns of thinking that lead to feel un-well
Encourages taking full responsibility for your well-being
Cardamom on top of head
Helps regain self control and mental clarity when frustrated with others
A great oil to use when you’re angry
Helps to stop blaming others
Asks us to take personal ownership and responsibility for our feelings
Leads to feeling more peace, calm and emotional freedom
Lavender on heart (center of breastbone, at the nipple line)
Aids in self-expression
Addresses deep fear of being seen and heard
You may believe it’s not safe to express yourself–this fear of rejection paralyzes your true voice
Frankincense on solar plexus (where ribs meet a few inches above belly button)
Reveals deceptions and false truths
Invites us to let go of lower vibrations and negativity
Helps us break down the walls from the mind and heart
Connects the soul with its inner light and reveals truth
Balance on soles of feet
Like the trees it’s made from, helps you come down from your overactive mind, into your roots
Gives stability and inner strength
Meditate. Put on comfortable clothes, sit in a comfortable spot, close your eyes and breathe–ideally for 15 minutes each day. The goal of meditation is not to be without thought. The practice is to come back to your breath and stillness, without judgement, each time the mind gets distracted. When you give your nervous system this experience on a consistent basis, you may start to notice more peace, more patience, and more happiness seeping into your life. There are great resources to help you start a meditation practice: I love Abraham’s Vortex meditations, which you can find on youtube. School of Self has a great visual breathing meditation. Headspace and Calm are 2 great apps.
Get curious. Now that you’re in this calm, centered place, hold space for yourself to explore. Think of this like holding space for a friend or a child to process and learn, or how a coach would hold space for a client–asking open-ended questions and sitting in empathy. It’s great to journal as you do this, so you can look back on what you’ve learned. Some questions to consider:
What am I feeling?
What am I thinking or doing that’s causing these feelings?
What is my responsibility in this situation?
What is the guidance from my higher self or higher power?
Some resources I love for asking helpful questions are
As you begin to make your relationship with yourself a nurturing, loving and wise one, you are more able to interact with the world around you from a more nurturing, loving and wise place.
I don’t know about you, but right about now I’m more than a little concerned about the state of our country and our world. There are any number of terrifying scenarios that can (and do, sometimes) keep my brain running late into the night. At times the heaviness mounts to a pressure that threatens to crush my little spirit. How can we make a difference?
In these moments, especially, I lean heavily on my self-rescue toolbox. I push the pause button on my fear and I practice what I preach. I take a deep breath and channel Byron Katie: What’s my business? And I start there.
Some may wonder: How does this help?
Well, let me tell you. When your airplane is going down and your cabin is losing pressure, you just must absolutely put on your own oxygen mask first. There is no way to be a hero, no way to comfort those around you, no way to make one smidge of difference until you are breathing yourself.
And so, here we are. In our plane which some might say is dangerously close to going down….and I’m putting on my mask.
What does that look like? You ask.
I’m happy to tell you.
Getting a Brighter Focus: Self-Rescue Blueprint
When I’m in need of a recalibration, this is my jam. There are probably millions of billions of ways to do each of these steps, so that’s where your own unique creativity comes in. Play with them, make it an experiment, and let me know how it goes!
Get Quiet
Think Big
Start Small
Give Thanks
Get Quiet
For me, this requires taking intentional space and time, alone, to just breathe and be. I absolutely must by comfy, so you’ll likely find me in slippers, soft pants, and a hoodie. I suggest you do the same. I might be biased.
Spend some time, in this quiet alone space, with your breath. You might meditate. You might light a candle and sit in the dark. You might lie on your back and stare at the ceiling with your hands on your belly. You might be in a hot epsom salt bath. Whatever it is, just tune in to yourself and relax. Whenever I do this, I’m astonished by how much tension my body carries out of habit; and as soon as I notice it I feel it start to melt away. It is so magical, and so worth the 10 minutes!
During my quiet time I experiment with fun ways to help me get in touch with my spirit and the loving nature of the Universe. Pick one and start there. Some of my favorites right now:
Once I’m centered in myself and feeling calm and good, I want to take full advantage of the theta waves I’ve produced. I get to work. What to do while in this headspace?
After getting all creative and big picture, it’s time to break it down. Teeny tiny bite-sized chunks is what we’re going for here. Whatever it is you just thought Big about, come up with the very smallest, very first thing you’ll need to do to scooch toward it.
Ask: What is the very next step?
And now, the hard part: Do that. At the very least, make a non-negotiable date in your calendar to get it done.
Give Thanks
Sometimes it’s easy to focus on all that didn’t go right, or what we wished we had, or on all that we’ve lost. When we can shift our focus, even just the tiniest bit, to what we do have, what went right, what gifts the challenge brought us, then a magical thing happens. We begin to take control of our own happiness. We transform our reality by changing our take on it. And it feels really fricking good in the moment. So now’s your chance…try it.
This process could take days or weeks, or it could take minutes. If you’re pressed for time, but committed to shifting your energy and effectiveness, make friends with your timer.
Let’s make 2017 the year we did not refuse to do the something that we could do. Will you join me?
This is the most wonderful time of the year…right?
Jori van der Linde Illustration
For some, it may be one of the most stressful.
If you’re feeling the pressure this holiday/election/winter/fill-in-the-blank season, here are some out of the ordinary stress-relief suggestions. If you try them, I’d love the full report!