Tag Archives: control

“Self Care?! I don’t know where to start!”

Do you believe you can have the self-care that you want?

Have you had any of these thoughts: 

I don’t know where to start.
I don’t know what to do next.
I don’t know how to improve this situation.
How am I going to get where I want to go?
How am I going to feel the way I want to feel when it seems so far away?

It can be overwhelming to imagine changing everything all at once. Especially right now, in this transitional phase between the isolation of the pandemic and resuming some in-person activities. 

The pandemic and all the emotions that have come with it are still very much with us and yet things are changing. 

You’re making new decisions. You’re getting more social invitations. You’re deciding how much energy you have. When do you need to start saying ‘no’ to people again? (We haven’t had to exercise our ‘no’ muscle in a while!) 

The one thing you can do right now

Here’s one simple thing to help move you forward a little bit. One thing to do if you feel stuck, not knowing what to do next. 

Start where you are. 

Ask yourself: 

  • Where am I now? 
  • How am I doing now? 
  • What am I experiencing? 
  • What’s alive in me right now? 

Take the quiz

Burnout Proof Academy logo. "How Burnout Proof are you?". Tall evergreens with sun shining through.

This fun, short quiz helps you take stock of the areas where you may or may not be:

💞 showing up for yourself
💞 giving away your energy
💞 aligning with your life goals and values

…and come away with an idea of where you’re at.

The place to start is always exactly where you’re at. 

The next step

Once you’ve gone through the quiz, take a look at your result.  

Are you up in flames? Is the check engine light on? 🔥
Are you feeling great? Are your systems and your routines supporting you? 🥳
How do you feel about your result? What does it feel like in your body? 

😞 Disappointment
😢 Sadness
😡 Anger
😄 Excitement
🥰 Pride

Take a moment now to check in with where you’re at and how you feel about it. This might be uncomfortable! That’s ok.

Feeling the discomfort, naming what you’re feeling, breathing through it, and doing the next right thing is building your nervous system’s capacity! You’re doing great.

brown skinned young woman with black curly hair looking up in the sky with her eyes closed with a black background; tag: burnout quiz

Photo by Diana Simumpande

 When you’re done

Head on over to our private Facebook group to share your score with us and let us know how this was for you

What’s Happening at Burnout Proof Academy

It’s been a fairly quiet summer here at Burnout Proof Academy, but we have an exciting book club going right now that you can still jump in on!

red, dark purple, and light purple swirled background with a transparent white rectangle in the middle, black text on top of rectangle reads burnout proof book club untamed; tag: burnout quiz

Who were you, before you learned to be good?

Speaking directly to anyone who relates to putting others’ needs and feelings before your own, Untamed, by Glennon Doyle, reconnects us to the wild inside each of us.

Join Burnout Proof Book Club as we read Untamed by Glennon Doyle. Come create community and grow your support system as you learn and practice what it means for you to quit pleasing and start living.

All you need to do:

  • Enroll in the course
  • Purchase and read or listen to UNTAMED
  • Answer discussion questions for each section of the book
  • Participate in the Live Discussions or watch the recordings
  • Receive 1.1 GS RID CEUs!

 Click here for more info + instant access

With love and bright focus, Brea (like the sea)

What Others Think of You is None of Your Business

Think of a situation where you worry about what others might be thinking of you. 

So many of us experience this. This is a big one for me – really caring about how others see me and caring about others’ experience of me. Often that takes me outside of what’s actually mine to control, what’s really my responsibility. 

So you’re worried about what others might be thinking of you. What kind of situations does this happen to you in? Maybe in some places in our lives we’re more susceptible to being worried about what someone else thinks of us. Maybe in some situations we’re less concerned about that and we feel clearer within ourselves.

Something to notice in these situations where we’re concerned about what someone else thinks of us is first we don’t get to control what others think. We’re never in their minds, even if we can play a part that might influence them one way or another. We don’t control what others think of us. 

I love a saying that I hear often and I repeat to myself often – what others think of me is none of my business. 

That’s not our business, what others think of us. 

What is more helpful and the reminder I want to share with all of us today is that I am responsible for what I think of me. What I think of myself is what matters more. 

✔Am I living up to my values?
✔Am I operating in a way that really aligns with how I want to show up in the world? 

That’s what I have control over. That’s what I can do something about. That’s the metric I want to measure and I want to live my life by. 

Whose Yard Are You In?

fenced in yard with yellow flowers and green grass with lambs laying on the ground; Tag: what others think of you

Photo by Jalen Hueser

There are two kinds of yards:

My yard >> My thoughts, my feelings, my actions, my words. 

These are all things that are mine. These are the things that live in my yard, that are in my domain. These are the things that I’m responsible for. 

Someone else’s yard >> Their thoughts, their feelings, their actions, their words. 

I can care about someone else deeply, but I can only do it from my yard. If I go over into their yard and worry about:

❌What they’re thinking about me
❌What they’re feeling
❌What they’re doing
❌What they’re saying 

Then that means I have abandoned my yard. I’ve abandoned myself. I’ve abandoned my responsibilities. I’m not taking care of me or what I need to be taking care of because I’m over there trying to take care of what they should be taking care of.  

If you find yourself in someone else’s yard, don’t worry! All you have to do is go back to your yard and remind yourself, “I’m responsible for what I think of me. What do I think of me?” 

TIP: Those thoughts we’re talking about, “what I think of me…” those are thoughts, those are like clouds that pass through our mind. We’re not even really in control of our thoughts! Thoughts come and go. They’re projections of the mind and the brain. What I’m more responsible for, if we want to get really nuanced here with our language, I’m responsible for those thoughts that I attach to, those thoughts that I believe. 

I love the sign for believe. Think – marry. 

A belief is a thought that I marry, that I attach to. I choose to bring this thought into my world. 

I get to choose what thoughts I attach to, what I believe, what I believe about myself. That’s mine to manage, that’s mine to take care of. 

brown skinned woman standing near a pink flower tree smiling with her eyes closed, Tag: what others think of you

Photo by James Resly

Final Thoughts

A reminder as you move through your days and weeks (or even just this moment):

Pay attention to what the thoughts are in your mind. Where are you worried about what someone else is thinking of you? Come back to your own yard and ask yourself these questions:

🌱What am I responsible for in this moment?
🌱What do I think of me?
🌱What am I thinking of me right now?

This is a mindfulness practice. This is just noticing where our thoughts go and gently bringing us back to our center. That’s what meditation can be. That’s what any kind of mindfulness practice can be. 

Paying attention on purpose to the present moment without judgment

Sometimes our judgments of ourselves are what we’ll really notice here. When I come back to the present moment and I pay attention to what my thoughts are, I notice — “Oh there’s a lot of judgment against myself right there.” 

Can I let that be here too? Can I come back to a place of love for myself even with my human brain that wants to judge? Because that’s what our brains do. 

Click here to participate in the discussion and let us know in the comments:

Where does this show up for you?
What is challenging about this for you?
What have you found helps you come back to responsibility for yourself and noticing what you think of yourself and really caring for that relationship that you have with yourself? 


You’re Invited

Join our free support community, The Burnout Proof Collective, to connect with interpreters, teachers, and parents who are working on taking better care of themselves too. This is the best way to get personal support from Brea and to go deeper with your self-care!

Click here to join

blue background, yellow heart, text reads: Burnout Proof Collective. Image: 2 people with arms linked, smiling at the camera, the one on the left has brown skin, short bleached hair, glasses, and a black leather biker jacket, the one on the right is white with long blonde hair walking in front of a group of smiling people of varying skin tones. Tag: what others think of you

Healthy Boundaries: Walk Yourself Home

gray rock mountain range with green pine tries, pink sky, and sun rays in top right corner with quote from Brene Brown "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

Healthy boundaries can be hard to identify and maintain. Here’s one concept that can help.


dark blue background fading to light blue "healthy boundaries for interpreters november 21, 2020 10:00 am - noon pacific burnout proof academy online self care ceus to register: burnoutproof.me" Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

 

We’ll be diving further into Healthy Boundaries this weekend in our LIVE Saturday School workshop on November 21st, 2020.
Check it out and register here to join us!

 


Let’s start with a really tangible definition for the often nebulous concept of ‘boundaries’:

A boundary is a property line, as defined by Dr. Henry Cloud. 

aerial view of blue rectangle tennis court with 2 people playing tennis with a green border around the tennis court and a fence around the court Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

Photo by Rodrigo Kugnharski

The boundary tells you who controls the property, who has freedom and choices over the property, and who is responsible for the property.

Now let’s take that definition into the realm of our everyday lives, and pair it with a concept that can help us decipher our property lines.

 

 

Types of property

The property that boundaries are helpful for include:

  • Emotional – your feelings
  • Material – your things
  • Mental – your thoughts, ideas, and beliefs
  • Physical – your body
  • Time and Energy – your time and energy

 

Who owns the property?

According to Byron Katie, there are three kinds of ‘business’ in the universe. I like to think of this as ‘Who owns the property?’

  1. Mine
  2. Yours
  3. The Rest (aka: God/Goddess/Universe/life/reality’s – pick the descriptor you resonate with)

I like to think of these three kinds of ‘business’ as three separate yards – like three pieces of property. 

Mine – My yard contains those pieces of property that I control and am responsible for: what I do, what I say, how I feel*, how I spend my time and energy, my possessions and what I believe.

*Feelings get a little star, because they are by-products of our thoughts, beliefs, and circumstances – not as easily in our control, but nevertheless, still our property. You can read more about getting to know your garden here.

Yours – Your business is what you control and are responsible for. All those same bits of property: emotional, material, mental, physical, time and energy.

Life’s/God’s/reality – This is made up of all the things that are outside of my control and your control. Examples include: the past and the future, as well as elements of the weather, accidents, traffic, etc. 

 

aerial view of a twisty road with cars driving the road and houses and buildings on both sides of the road with green trees scattered throughout Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

Photo by Brandon Nelson

Your map 

With my yard, your yard, and Life’s yard, we’ve basically drawn ourselves a map of our existential ‘neighborhood’. Maps are cool on their own, don’t get me wrong, but the magic comes when we use them to navigate.

Some scenarios where this map comes in handy:

  • When you’re feeling stressed.
  • When you’re afraid someone will be upset with you.
  • When you feel compelled to say ‘yes’ even though you want to say ‘no’.
  • When you’re caught in the mental loop of ‘what if’s – worrying about the future.
  • When you’re upset or angry with someone else.

In any of these not-so-hypothetical cases, you can pull out your map and ask yourself:
Where am I?

woman with blond hair wearing a brown sweater with a blue jean jacket and black pants standing in the middle of the road holding a map with green trees on the side of the road and white fog in the distance Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

Photo by Daniel Gonzalez

Find yourself on the map: “Where am I?”

Let’s use an example from above, and ask this question: “Where am I?”

When I’m afraid you will be upset with me, the property I’m focused on is your feelings – specifically your feelings of being upset with me.

Whose yard do other people’s feelings reside in? Their yard. Their feelings are their responsibility. When I’m trying to take responsibility for them, I’ve left my own yard – walked right off my own property and onto theirs – which leaves no one home to care for me.

Walk yourself home

black background with a yellow heart on top of circle shaped picture of a white picket fence with purple and pink flowers growing on the fence with a white arrow pointing to "walk yourself home @brighterfocus" Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

 

When you’ve found yourself trying to manage someone else’s property, walk yourself back home by asking:

“What’s my business?”

Identify what is in your control, or what is your responsibility, and take action.

 

That could look like:

Do boundaries make me self-centered?

At first glance, boundaries can seem like a way to stop caring about anyone but yourself. 

Let’s just sit with that. If you’re anything like me, that idea brings up a lot of fear about being selfish, putting my needs ahead of others, etc. When I pause, put my hand on my heart, and just feel those feelings of fear and guilt and breathe through them without feeding them more thoughts, they’re usually a lot quieter in 90 seconds or less. 

Here’s the real truth that I invite you to experiment with for yourself, straight from Brene Brown’s research: 

The most compassionate people are absolutely the most boundaried.

Let that sink in.

The more I leave you to your work/business/journey/lessons, and the more I take responsibility for my own work/business/journey/lessons – the more compassion I’m able to have for you and what you’re going through!

Healthy boundaries are the foundation of empathy, authenticity, and accountability – and they’re an integral part of self-care.

For more on staying in your own business and listening to your intuition as an interpreter, check out this RID VIEWS column –  Self-Care: Caring For Ourselves Within a Community.

green pine trees with green and brown grass in the background with a white transparent square including text "compassionate people ask for what they need. they say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. they're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment. brene brown, rising strong" Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

Healthy Boundaries for Interpreters

I hope you’ll join us November 21st, 2020 for Healthy Boundaries for Interpreters. We’ll explore what healthy boundaries are, what makes them hard to hold, how to tune into your guidance system, and how to communicate your boundaries in a kind and honest way. I can’t wait to spend this time with you!

Get all the info and register here

 

Reflection

Take a few minutes to journal and reflect, and then share with us in the comments:

Describe a time that healthy boundaries – yours or someone else’s – created a space for more compassion.

 

pink heart with pink lines around the heart Tag: healthy boundaries self-care

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